Freedom

Hope
I find myself continually perplexed with the seeming opposition of the two ideas of hope and surrender.  Am I to hope in the promises or am I to surrender my desire to God?  The person that I think of who seemed to go through this very thing was Abraham.  He walked with God, God gave him a promise and a name.  "Abram, your name shall be Abraham for you shall be the father of many nations."
And then Abraham has absolutely ZERO children.  This went on for so long that Sarah got him to get her servant pregnant.  What must they have gone through all of those years waiting for the promise to be fulfilled?  Believing and doubting and believing again.  Did they lay it down for a while?  Did they give up?  They obviously thought that perhaps they were simply mistaken about what God must have meant for them to do in order for the promise to be fulfilled.  Perhaps they really were to do something about it.

But even in the New Testament, Ishmael was referred to as the child of the flesh and Isaac of the Spirit.  So, what was God about with all the waiting?  What was He waiting for?  Why didn't He just give them a child at a normal age and time?  Why did He have to wait until Sarah was 90?  Hardly an age for any mother to bring up a little boy.
Why does God give a promise and get us to hope and then not deliver for years and years and years and years?  What is He about?
And it says that Abraham knew he was a pilgrim, he was looking for a city with foundations, whose builder and maker is God.  And he never saw it in his lifetime.  Although he waited and waited for the promise, he died without seeing it, so that he would not be blessed apart from us.  And others were beaten, tortured, sawn in two, those of whom the world was not worthy.  Do you suppose they wondered where God was and why He tarried?  How did they sustain their hope?
And still, God doesn't owe us anything.  He doesn't have to make promises to mankind.  He doesn't have to give us anything.  Surely He isn't delaying just to watch us squirm.  Sometimes in the excruciating pain of deferred hope I think that it would be better off not to have hoped at all.  Why would He put us through so much pain?  What is the purpose?
I remember Jesus talking about our joy being full.  Like a woman who carries a child, and goes through the pain of childbirth.  He said that when she sees the baby, her joy is fulfilled.  The pain is nothing compared to the gift.  Prayer seems to be one of the only answers in the midst of promises that tarry.  I find that I either dialogue with God about how upset I am and how painful it is, or about how much I want the promise to be fulfilled and ask and ask and ask that He would help me understand the delay.  And then I ask Him to do it already.
Sometimes I wonder if all the asking for Him to fulfill His word is not of faith. Like when a friend tells me he will do something, and then he delays.  If I asked him and asked him and asked him about it, would he not most likely simply call it nagging?  Would he not feel that I had no confidence in his ability to remember or his intention to carry it out?  Does God feel that way about us constantly asking Him to do what He already told us that He would do?
Anyway, what I know and I have to keep coming back to is that my hope is in eternity.  I must set my hope fully on the day that He returns.

The Lord Upholds Me, Right?

Highlights:

-I'm gonna start updating my blog more often

-I'm looking for monthly supporters

-I'm raising money right now to go to Malta with YWAM to staff a DTS

-Q & A about YWAM in Malta

-Please respond if you are interested in helping me out!

Hi!  I know it's been a while even being in contact with you guys.  

Regular Updates

But, here I am anyway.  I have been wanting to get back into writing regular updates.  I haven't really come up with a good way of getting it out there.  It seems that the blogs are helpful, but it's always better to have something in your hand instead something on a computer screen, or at least that's how I feel.  And everyone loves getting mail, right?  

So, perhaps I will come up with a happy medium.  As it stands, my blog (www.amorys.blogspot.com) will now be more regularly updated.  

It's A Living

I am writing because the Lord's been convicting me that I actually need to raise support again.  I haven't been mostly because it's been hard for me to justify raising money to do what it seems like most people would love to do if someone would just give them the money.

I find myself asking myself the question: Am I really gonna live like this for the rest of my life?  I'm not sure what the answer is.  To be sure, I DO NOT want to!  Still, so far, it seems to be what the Lord has me doing.  And it really is the difference between how much time I have to give to prayer and Bible study and ministry and how much time I have to spend trying to make enough money to live off of.  I guess I'm not out to get rich, heh!  I try to live pretty simply, I don't get the expensive brands or the new clothes (unless they're considerably marked down!) or the cool kitchenware, etc.  It's about perspective I guess.  Either my comfort and satisfaction is in eternity, or I try to secure it for myself now.  

Is it wrong to get a new couch?  Is it wrong to buy new clothes?  No, no, no, not wrong!  I don't think that and I'm not sitting here eyeing your furniture and judging you in my heart.  I'm just beginning to recognize the exchange.  I can give my time and my money and my efforts to the kingdom, and yeah, maybe I have a dumpy couch for the rest of my life, but who cares in the light of the Word burning inside of me and the gospel of the kingdom being preached to all the nations.  I mean, this isn't going to apply to everyone's situations, but it applies to me.  The choice is simple: a new couch or a life in the Word.  Ultimately, my prayer is, that if I do spend my time pursuing a revelation of God through His Word, that it will begin to come alive in me in a way that impacts nations.

With that said, I am working on getting a small list of people who will commit to regularly support me in this, whether it's $20 a month or $200.  

YWAM DTS Staff in Malta

My little detour to the International House of Prayer has been one of the best things that ever happened to me.  However, it was completely unexpected.  And in being here for so long, my desire to work with YWAM focusing on the Middle East has not waned.  It has actually gotten stronger in some ways and more balanced in others.  So, I'm still looking to see what exactly it might look like to strengthen the church in the Middle East and Mediterranean Europe and perhaps be a part of adding new people to it's numbers.  If God will grant me to do it, I would love to be a part of that in some fashion.

What is YWAM?

Youth With A Mission is a worldwide missions organization that has been around since the 70s, started by Loren Cunningham, an American.  Some of the strengths of YWAM that have compelled me to choose them rather than a different missions organization are as follows: they value the guidance and movement of the Holy Spirit, they are not afraid to do something new or strange, they know how to equip and empower young people and new converts for the work of the kingdom, they have a strong emphasis on intercession and worship, they encourage multi-cultural expressions of worship and Biblical truth, etc.

What's a DTS?

A Discipleship Training School is five month (give or take) school that specifically focuses on the basic tenets of the Christian faith and the expression of it.  It is a pre-requisite for everyone who wants to join YWAM as well as a great way to introduce new converts to Christian life.

Why Malta?

Well, the team has been in Cyprus since 2004 or so, but lately it has been next to impossible to get visas for the Arabs coming from the Middle East.  So, they needed to move the DTS and they found an open door in Malta.

What will you be doing exactly?

I will simply be serving the school leaders in whatever they need me to do.  They are expecting 24 students, mostly (if not all) from the Middle East.  So, I will be helping coordinate the worship and prayer, and leading a bit of it.  I will have to brush up on my Arabic songs, and I'm looking forward to learning a lot more Arabic while I'm there!  Then I will simply labor with the leaders to see young Arabs discipled and set free from the things that hinder them from being all that they are in God.

It's About Time!

Highlights:

The Past Two Years

Seeking Direction

My Plans for the Future?

Pray For Me, PLEASE!!!

-Financial Provision

-Spiritual Protection

-Wisdom

-Growth in Skill and Knowledge

-A Mentor


Hi guys, I thought it would be about time for me to write an update, not that anyone really reads this thing unless I send everyone an email.  Maybe I will.

So, I've pretty much been in Kansas City, working at the International House of Prayer since my last post.  For two years I have been working in the Justice Prayer Room, which we launched in July of 2007.  I was the primary section leader in the evenings (6pm-midnight) and I also lead a worship team.  It was definitely a season of growth!  Ha!  I learned a ton and had quite a few little challenges and roadblocks to keep me on my toes and my knees!!!

Also in this past year I have become involved with Kansas City's Urban Young Life, which is an outreach to high school students.  It's been so fun getting to know some remarkable young ladies who I'm watching grow in their love for Jesus and in their character.  This last summer I also went with them to summer camp as a leader.  Wow, that was a bit of a challenge!  Several days into the camp I got sick with a nasty head cold, much of the camp had it actually.  Not only that, but because of overcrowded cabins I was sleeping on the floor where someone's hair dryer took a flying leap and attacked me face in the night.  I had a nasty gash across my nose and woke up to blood gushing into my eye!  But all in all, I got a chance to sit down with some troubled ladies and talk them through some of their hardships, it was a beautiful opportunity!  In addition to that, the camp was in Minnesota, so I got to drive up a little early and go to my former college roommie's wedding and visit good friends!

Around last spring, the Lord started telling me that transition was coming.  He provided me with enough money to take some time off and go on an extended fast, seeking Him for some much needed insight and guidance.  I spent some of that time in Kansas City, but I took up an offer to go to Arkansas and check the place out (they were looking for a worship leader and I was looking for direction).  It seemed a good fit, but the visit proved a bit awkward!  I did make some marvelous friends in my time there and had several helpful dreams and visions!  And some crazy encounters and a little bit of prophecy.  It was also really great to have Charissa there with me and connect with her.  She has become a good friend!

Quick Update From Munich

For those of you who don't know, I got a chance to take a little trip to Europe, mostly for the purpose of attending my friend Julia's wedding in Germany!  She's currently living in Munich, so that's where I went first.  After that, I visited Cyprus and Scotland and stayed with friends.  How I miss this part of the world.  Jesus, send me back!

So, now I wish I had spent more time trying to learn German, because I am a bit lost in this country, and I really can't even figure out what words mean! Oh well.
Nothing is really familiar too me, except that it is Europe, and Europe is familiar. Ikea furniture, smart cars, Euros, old buildings, etc. It kind of felt a little like coming home. But it was a long distant home, a long time ago.
This is a picture I stole from Julia's files, she went a couple of months ago to Neuschwanstein Castle. It's funny, I'm so close, but I don't have "las ganas" to go because I am by myself. It's so not worth it when you're alone. I can enjoy the pictures. :0)
The wedding's tomorrow. It's going to be fun. I guess I'm going to spend the night in the church with some of the other young people who attend the wedding. That will be interesting. I've never been to a German wedding before. I'm not going to understand it!!! But Julia has arranged for someone to interpret. She is an amazing hostess. She has arranged so much for me!

The Year In Review

So, it has been about a year since I last wrote an update.

Wow, that's a long time. Well, it's a long time for not having communicated what's going on in my life to people. But, it doesn't feel like it's been that long. Does it seem like the years are getting shorter as you get older? I feel like that. I remember being six years old and being pretty sure that being as old as my dad was forever away. But, here I am.

And so, my sister and I (pictured) have an apartment together!  It's been an adventure.  She's going to the Forerunner Music Academy, one of IHOP's schools of ministry.

I'm on full-time staff at IHOP (International House of Prayer www.ihop.org ).  I am the primary section leader in the evening section in our training prayer room, the Justice Prayer Room.  This means that I am supervising everything that goes on in that prayer room from 6pm to midnight, every night.  It has been a little bit difficult and hectic because I have joined the nightwatch and am now chorus leading on a team there.  The nightwatch is the group of people who stay up all night and do the night prayer watches in the house of prayer.  I'm in the Global Prayer Room (the main one) for this.  I get done with my shift at 6am, 6:30 at the latest and I usually get to bed around 7am!

In addition to all this, I am also leading a worship team in the Justice Prayer Room (not as many sets and no live webstream recording us!).  It has been quite an adventure as I really don't know what I'm doing.  All I knew going into it was how to play and sing at the same time, with some experience from choirs and playing in bands and orchestras in high school!  I am learning a lot, about humility, and music!  I LOVE IT!!!

Spring and Summer

This Calls for Perseverance

(The picture is of me and my roommates, Joy and Katie)

Ministry Update

So, here I am, I am finally home in Kansas City. It is great to be back here, but I have been encountering some obstacles. For one thing, things here at IHOP-KC are kind in a lot of transition. We have been making way for God TV to begin to broadcast what goes on in the prayer room 24/7, which they just did on May 28th. In fact, I was in the prayer room when it happened. It was funny because we went on 2 hours before we thought we were going to. So, that was amusing. It sounds so big and amazing, but for us, it is still weak and small. May God's grace rest upon us.
I am involved in beginning a new prayer room here, it will be for training purposes, but it is a real prayer room where we will do real prayer. It is called the Justice Prayer Room. It's exciting because I will get a chance to do things that I haven't gotten a chance to do in the past. I'm excited to get involved in equipping people to do ministry and live a life of prayer and dedication to God as they walk out their calling in this "70 year internship" we call life. May God strengthen my hands and give me grace to be faithful to the charge I have been entrusted with.
Personal Update
I am still trying to nail down some kind of schedule and figuring out what I can do and what I can't. I am sure that God will guide me. There are a lot of things that I don't particularly enjoy, in fact that are unpleasant to say the least. I need to figure out how to make sure I can pay my bills while I am doing all of this. There are two options, carve out more time in my schedule to work for pay... somewhere, or try to raise support (which will probably be more difficult). I want to be led by God, because I know the sovereign Lord helps me.
It's funny, when I sit and think about it, in the natural I don't think I would have chosen any part of what I am doing. But, when I see in the spirit, I know God is real and He is worth so much more than my feeble attempt at giving Him the glory He is due.
What I Actually Do
Many of you have asked what I actually do, I mean, I tell you I pray, but certainly that isn't a full time job. It's hard to fathom spending that much time in prayer. And besides, why can't you just pray always, you know, when you're doing regular stuff?
Okay, I do understand this question. I can tell you what my day looks like. Generally, I am in the prayer room about 6-8 hours a day, which is more or less a full time job. I am still working to nail down all of my schedule, but I have committed to the 6pm section. (Each day is divided into 6 hour sections because it is a 24 hour prayer room, and so we meet in sections to pray-different groups of people at different times of the day). So, my focused time in the prayer room is from 6pm to midnight. I am one of the leaders of this section in the new prayer room, starting July 2nd, which means that I make sure that people aren't singing and praying heresy on a regular basis. That musicians have what they need to play, that singers and worship leaders know what they're doing, that people don't come in and threaten the intercessors at gun point (which has actually happened before), that people aren't doing strange or distracting things that would hinder others from being able to focus on Jesus during their time in the prayer room, that somebody is running sound, and various other things that need to be looked after when you are running a 24 hour prayer room.
In addition, I sing worship team, which means I sing around 12 hours a week. We have 2 hour prayer meetings with worship teams for each one of them. Some of them are focused intercession and others are what we call around here "singing seminaries" or where we sing through passages of scripture, asking God to give revelation.

This is my primary focus, prayer in the prayer room. I try to construct my day by praying through things at the intercession meetings about 4 hours a day and doing Bible study and personal devotional time the other 4 hours. Some days I do more intercession, some days I do more Bible study. When I am not doing that I am serving the base in some way, right now my function and role is section leading, but I have also been helping in the Forerunner Music Academy office, helping to run events with the Sacred Trust office, helping with the God TV meetings, etc. Every full time staff member is required to do 24 hours of service and 24 hours of prayer a week.
So, like I said, it's not amazing, and I can only do it by the grace of God, and I know that praying and reading the Bible 8 hours a day can easily not make a difference in my life if my heart is not open to the Lord's voice, this is why I fast. The point is, I want reality. I need God, because I was made for Him, because we were made to love Him and know Him. The nations were made to glorify His name. I need Him to move, because the oppressed need to be set free, because the poor need to hear the good news, because the blind need sight, because broken-hearted need to be healed. We must have God, not a program, not an outreach, not a sponsorship, not a conference. All of those things are only vehicles for the power of God, and that's what I need, that's what we need, a great move of God. He can do so much more than all of our feeble efforts, even if the church were to do all that she needed to do, even if we were united. We still need Him to move. Amen. Come Lord Jesus.
Prayer Requests/Needs
-a new computer, mine recently crashed and does not really work well for my needs
-my guitar needs to get fixed, and in all actuality, I need a new one (esp. since I will be using it soon, leading worship in the new prayer room)
-consistent monthly income, whether it be a job that allows me to walk out my calling or supporters who believe in the prayer room and have a generous heart, either way, I need to pay my bills, and that's just the way it is (I have learned, however, that I can go quite a while without eating :0) )
-a team of us from IHOP will be traveling to Bethany College of Missions (my old college) to teach on eschatology pray that the Holy Spirit will empower us to speak what He tells us and that He would give us and the students revelation of the Word of God and God's purposes for humanity and the church

February and March

Who Stand By Night
So, my little team could possibly have been one of the first YWAM DTS teams to do the nightwatch in Jerusalem for their outreach. Our schedule tried to incorporated hours of daylight as well as try to give us prime time in the prayer room. We didn't want to sleep through the thing that we came for. And so, we went to sleep at around 3:00 in the afternoon, and we woke up at around 10:30 pm. We had breakfast and went to the prayer room. Our slot was from midnight to 6:00 in the morning. So fun! We spent the time in different ways, but we soon ended up really trying to hit the 4 am to 6 am slot pretty hard because that was always the time that we would get really tired. Those started to become the best part of the whole night/morning, whatever you want to call it. And the hours passed, you would be surprised by how quickly they could pass, and how different things happened each night. Yes, we pretty much did the same things night after night. We prayed and sang songs, and drank lots of coffee. But God always directed us, and spoke to us in different ways, showing us different things in His heart for the region of the Middle East, or even just for ourselves. We had some precious times of praying for each other and some times of going crazy with drums and dancing and some times of soft music and trying to stay awake. :0)
That's not to say that it wasn't difficult, it most definitely was difficult for our team, in many different ways. Adjusting to the schedule was a huge challenge, as well as dealing with cramped quarters and not a lot of personal space or time. But you know, I look at it as a great opportunity. It was an opportunity to grow and to be challenged in all the little caves in our hearts that selfishness and pride had been hiding in until that point where they began to be prodded and thus exposed. It's the arena where we can learn how to chose to honor God, in the hard times, may I bless the Lord. In the good times, I want my life to honor Him.

Lessons in Leadership and Submission
God always knows what He's doing, doesn't He? Man, who can escape His patient but persistent instruction. They say that the first rule of leadership is that everything is your fault. When you are the leader in a challenging or difficult situation, not only does everyone blame you for the difficult situations, but they often can begin to resent your leadership. Hmmm, I remember doing that with some of my leaders... It all comes full circle. We definitely had our difficult and challenging situations, but God began to teach me some things in the midst of them, about leadership, and about submission. I believe that the first rule of leadership is not that everything is your fault, but it is the law of submission, service and selflessness. It seems that many people get this idea that leaders are more free in their decision making and their lives in general. However, I find the opposite to be true. Leadership is very very hard work, mostly, and some heartache, a little stress and lack of sleep. The only thing that I find that drives me, is God's love in me for those I am leading. He really, really loves them. And what He says over their lives is that they are worth all of this and more. So, I die, over and over again. And I love it, because of Him.

On to the Next Thing
Or is it back to what I was doing before? Finally, I feel like I have a home, a place to return to. So, that's what I will be doing, going home. Back to Kansas City, back to IHOP. I'm not sure if it will look the same as it did before. But, that's where I'm headed!